Monday, September 8, 2014

Restoring Rhythm

Last week the babe started sleeping from his last evening feed until around 6am. After I feed him I've begun returning here, to this sacred space in the kitchen to fill up on real bread for the day. Pour the coffee, light the candle, open the Word. This routine sets the tone for all the other rhythms of my day.

This time and this space remind me WHY I am doing what I am doing.  And for the past 6 weeks this morning space has been surrendered to sleep, which means my I've gotten a little lost in the fog of sleeplessness and survival. Typing 6 weeks makes it feel like a blip on the radar, but 6 weeks is about 40 days. 40  l o n g  days. 

The new addition is 6 weeks old and I'm just now writing my 3rd post since his birth. If I've only blogged 3 times in 6 weeks, imagine how many times I've done less critical things like cleaning the toilets and bathing my children. Let's just say a few things are sliding right now.

And by sliding I mean it has felt at times like life has fallen apart. 

For starters there's the obvious  - I haven't been sleeping through the night. We could stop right there. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture. 

Then there's my wardrobe. Nothing fits. The things that do fit aren't cute. The things that are cute are not made to be worn in 90 degree heat and 1000% humidity. So basically I have nothing to wear ever. I'm overdue for a haircut and highlights as well, which means I look in the mirror and Ugh. Just. Ugh. 

The big kids take turns being completely insane on any given day.  Our 3 year old Sweet B has renewed her habit of roaming the halls of our home in the middle of the night. Blue Eyes has discovered how fun it is to be naked (this would be the 2 yr old who is still in diapers.) The Squirt started a homeschool-hybrid Kindergarten which was supposed to make life simpler but so far - not. 

I haven't made dinner in approximately 17 years. Thank God (literally, thank you God) for our meal calendar or my people would be emaciated. I can't even recall how it was that I used to produce dinner each night. Completely baffles me. 

And all this craziness has meant I'm not exaaactly my most gracious when it comes to how I handle inter-sibling squabbles and typical-toddler selfishness. OK, Mom has been yelling and it ain't pretty.

Last weekend I literally drove away from the house after telling B Daddy I just needed to get out and ended up at the mall. The mall. What the what?? I don't even know that girl. 

Today we're on Day 40. 

In the Bible a period of 40 days is used over and over again by God to make major transformations and changes.
  • It rained for 40 days and 40 nights when God wanted to cleanse the world and start over. 
  • It took the spies 40 days to search out the promised land and bring back fruit.
  • Goliath strutted in front of the Israelite army for 40 days before David approached him in battle.
  • Jonah warned the people of Ninevah they had 40 days to repent before God overthrew their city. 
  • Jesus fasted for 40 days in the wilderness before beginning his ministry on earth. 
We're on Day 40 and life as a family of 6 is just starting to come into focus.

After 40 days I've finally stopped getting on the scale every morning and have just accepted that it is going to take time and a lot of work to get back to pre-pregnancy shape. 

40 days in I am acknowledging that my kids are a little off-kilter in the wake of this new addition and am working hard to find grace for them as we discover this new family landscape together. I am grateful for his infinite mercy as I figure out how to mother 4 children at once.

I am trusting that God has not forgotten his purposes for my life even when these days seem unproductive and even counter-productive. 

We have undergone a major transformation these past 40 days. There's a whole new person on our team!  I'm hugely grateful to be back here with my candle and my Bible and my coffee, undergoing the daily transformation of surrendering my agenda and my pride.